just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i out mim tonsoeep
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
