isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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