You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
