are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
