I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
