We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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