My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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