we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
