somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize