I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
