I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pants are for mortals
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
