glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
