i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
FUCK WHALES
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
