i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
