I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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