Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
