Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
