Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How does one acquire holy water?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.