Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today

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  (508): well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today http://tfl.nu/xvys
  Replies (0) Good night (682) Bad night (1918)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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  (716): The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!" http://tfl.nu/wz9q
  Replies (14) Good night (2241) Bad night (722)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

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  (269): i think the cat found all the blow we lost... http://tfl.nu/uqm6
  Replies (31) Good night (1486) Bad night (5618)
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  (408): View more from California

  Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?

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  (408): Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut? http://tfl.nu/riq0
  Replies (39) Good night (1278) Bad night (4459)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

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  (847): No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv. http://tfl.nu/ej96
  Replies (38) Good night (1791) Bad night (4180)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Not even marginally surprised

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  (765): He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family (812): Not even marginally surprised http://tfl.nu/oyoq
  Replies (8) Good night (3332) Bad night (2001)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.

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  (703): does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/2knl
  Replies (11) Good night (3646) Bad night (977)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes

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  (229): dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes http://tfl.nu/v2kt
  Replies (2) Good night (697) Bad night (1359)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.

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  (304): My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger. http://tfl.nu/dtz4
  Replies (5) Good night (1956) Bad night (511)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer

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  (647): well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/wxzh
  Replies (3) Good night (1198) Bad night (534)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It's a good cause. For your vagina.

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  (603): It's a good cause. For your vagina. http://tfl.nu/54ey
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (788)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo

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  (248): I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo http://tfl.nu/bfzl
  Replies (4) Good night (973) Bad night (477)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club

  (716): View more from New York

  You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall

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  (585): The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club (716): You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall http://tfl.nu/3muu
  Replies (0) Good night (835) Bad night (265)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn

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  (717): You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn http://tfl.nu/rxu4
  Replies (2) Good night (472) Bad night (284)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.

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  (360): Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done. http://tfl.nu/hy12
  Replies (0) Good night (647) Bad night (234)

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