she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
she peed on how many people?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?