I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
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just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?