He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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