so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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