Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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