im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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