More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
