and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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