So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
