yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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