Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
