Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to sanitize my soul.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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