break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
