Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
