i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
