Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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