Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
