I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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