time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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