life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
