You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
