Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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