i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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