1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
