Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
