I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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