i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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