census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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