I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
