is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
