listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
