I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize