I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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