if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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