so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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