shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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