Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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