Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
