his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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