my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
