i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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