i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
