i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
