I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
