You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
