I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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