but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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