why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
