the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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