apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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