She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
